boozin' for a good cause

fuck work, fuck rent. right? yeah, of course i'm right. but it doesn't mean im right. you have to have an earning of sorts. it doesn't have to be much, but you have to have it, unless of course you're cool with sleeping on the street. i'm not. the last trip i took on a plane was planned for 7 hours in the air. turned out all told i was in travel limbo for a little over 17 hours. largely due to my poor airport punctuality. but as i sat in the airport, hour after hour with literally nothing to do i realized how shitty that would be to have no where to call home, or to never have any obligatory tasks to fill the day. or how shitty it would be to live in an airport for that matter. so i've moved back to my hometown and i'am once again forced to seek some form of income. getting back to my original thought; fuck work. that is something i hope to accomplish. weekly i search the local entertainment paper for various paying gigs involving little or no labor. there are always ones pertaining to alcohol. the pulse of this city. the pulse that i find throbbing in me the moment the sun begins to go down.
so i gave one a ring the other day, left a message, and put it in the back of my mind. a few days later they called me back, ran me through a preliminary battery of questions) pertaining to my alcohol use (how often i drink, am i depressed, do i ever wake up hung-over; they should have saved some time and just asked if i was an american) and any other extracurricular activities that i may or may not partake in. i passed with flying colors. i can only speculate on what the criteria was for pass or fail. i suppose had i said i only drink 5 times a week instead of 6 there would have been a chance i wouldn't have made the cut. all the details (length, compensation, rules, etc.) of the study were discussed with me and i accepted. this afternoon i went in for a more lengthy battery of questionnaires to dig a little deeper into physche. i began to lose focus about a quarter of a way through as the questions became a tad repetitive and all the talk of alcohol made want a beer really bad. i forged on and about an hour and a half later i was given a cell phone and instructed that i would be called at random four times a day to answer a few questions pertaining to my daily activities. in addition to the four random calls, i have to make a call when i wake up for the day. they prefer that its before 12:30. i assured them that i would do my best. we're studying booze hounds here aren't we. what self respecting alky wakes up before brunch ends? also before i have my first sip of alcohol i have to call the automated service and let them know. likewise i have to call when my drinking session has ended and inform them of how much booze i've consumed that night. assuming that i can still dial a phone at that point.
the compensation is based on how often iam able to receive the random calls and how thorough i complete them. all told over the 7 month study i should receive roughly 525 dollars. not bad for pressing a few buttons and drinking a ton of beers on some doctor's tab.